somone posted this on predator masters. I find it funny as all get out.
The coyote stopped breathing Thursday night during the routine tagging procedure and biologists could not revive him.
SCENE 1
Wily on his back, four paws sticking in the air, tongue hanging out of his mouth. Cops standing around him, looking at each other.
Cop 1: "I ain't givin no mutt mouth to mouth."
Cop 2: "I saw him eat a cat turd, I ain't doing it."
Cop 3: "When did you get so picky. I seen you kissing Big Liz down at O'Brians. That's gotta be about the same."
Cop 1: "Maybe they shulda used pepper spray instead of a tazer."
Cop 2: "Wasn't one tazer it was three, them goofballs from the 47th precinct got him, you know their motto."
Cop 3: "Yeah, anything worth doing is worth overdoing." (laughs all around)
Attractive nurse type steps up, looks at the cops with disdain,
Nurse: "You guys are despicable. Big macho men with guns, you'd just stand around and let this poor abused, misunderstood, animal die! Somebody do chest compressions."
She gets down on her knees and puts a lip lock on his snout giving mouth to mouth, lovely derriere pointing up at the cops. Cops scramble to help her, tripping in the process, one of them doing an inadvertent knee drop on the coyote, shattering it's rib cage.
Stalwart paramedic arrives just then with a crash cart
Paramedic: "CLEAR"
ZAAAAAPPPP. Coyote sizzling, nurse with hair standing straight up, cops sprawled on ground as if after an explosion.
Cop 1: (frazzled) "Did someone call the 47th?"
SCENE 2
Cut to Medical Examiner talking to police Commissioner
Commish: "I don't care what you tell them. Say he must have eaten some pizza in Jersey before he got here, say he died of an acute hairball, but it better not involve my cops or paramedics, and a broken ribcage or electrical burns!"
M.E.: "You know I can't falsify my report, It's my sworn duty as a public servant of the people of NYC to.."
Commish: "You walk by the 47th precinct on your way home don't you?"
M.E.: "You know, I think this mutt may have been born with a bad heart."
